I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
