CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
