I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize