pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
