I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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