this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
