Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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