You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
im on a boat
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