Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
