ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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