I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
