Only a mothe r could love this liver
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
