She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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