first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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