I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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