is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
