I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
