This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
