Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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