An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
