And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
