Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
