we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
