why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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