did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Non-Jews are for practice
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You ruined the universe
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
