So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
