saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
