Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
