I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
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So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
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My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize