you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
