Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
