Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
