call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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