Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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