Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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