how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
