yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
