Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
As shirtless as possible
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
