She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
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You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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