you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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