I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
