Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
I'm going back tonight
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Randomize
