I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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