the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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