We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
