Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
