Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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