My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
