im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
