Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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