Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
