I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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