woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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