Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
