I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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