He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
