I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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