someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
