it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
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I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
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I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize