I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
