Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
