Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just pee around me
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
