Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
