I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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