i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize