i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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