those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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