No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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