but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
