i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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